Thursday, December 31, 2009

A User's Guide to the 2009 Hendricks Family Holiday Letter

If you have made it this far, congratulations!  You are undoubtably a noble and handsome or fair individual, and you are in for, well, you're in for something.  If you recieved a mail copy of the letter, you will find that you may choose to read one, or all, of the alternate letters promised.  If you didn't recieve a mail version of our letter, don't fret!  It's not that we esteem you any less, it just means you're a part of our elite "Red Alert Mother Earth Green Initiative Strike Force Alpha", where we have tried to reduce our carbon footprint and blah blah blah...Our standard holiday letter (if such a thing exists) can also be found here, as well as the special editions.

Anyways, enjoy.  We'll see you in another 365.

Team Hendricks

Rochelle's Disclaimer

We here at Team Hendricks value the individual abilities of each of our members, whatever they may be.  That being said, please remember that the alternate holiday letters posted below do NOT reflect the opinions of the Team Hendricks management.  You are therefore warned that you may experience laughter, tears, or pain by the things said, but please do not expect ME to explain any of it.  May you keep in mind the humor of "the white hair" should you choose to scroll down and read.  Good luck and consider yourself warned.

Hendricks Holiday Letter 2009: Standard Edition

As another year draws to a close, we here at Team Hendricks are proud to say, we made it! Markets have melted, Gosselins have separated, Tigers have cheated, and Kardashians have Kardashed, but through it all, our family has kept it together. Every year brings new challenges (1), but the one constant continues to be love(2) . Here was the year in review over here at Team Hendricks.

Hendricks Holiday Letter 2009: Zombie Mega Apocalypse Edition

It’s been 182 days since the outbreak of the “Z Virus” brought the plague of the living dead upon humanity. And to think, all summer, we were all so worried about h1n1! Stupidest 60 bucks I ever spent for those vaccines. Anyways, just because we are holed up in our house (well, now we call it “the bunker”) as humanity is backed up against a wall and on it’s last legs, doesn’t mean that we can’t try to spread some holiday cheer. Hold on, I’ll be right back, something’s scratching at the door…

Hendricks Holiday Letter 2009: Kanye West Edition

(This holiday letter is a transcript from the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards, originally broadcast on Sunday, September 13, 2009. While the final broadcast was edited for television, this is the transcript of what transpired after cameras stopped rolling.)

Kanye West: Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you…Im’ma let you finish. But Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time! One of the best videos of all time!

Taylor Swift: Ummmmm, well, uh.

Kanye West: An’ Im’ma tell you somethin’ else, they not here right now, but the Hendricks family, that (deleted) they dropped in 2009? That (deleted) was tight, know what I’m saying?

Hendricks Holiday Letter 2009: Twilight Edition

I’d never given much thought to how I would die-though I’d had reason enough in the last few months-but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.

I stared without breathing across the road, into the dark eyes of the hunter, and he looked pleasantly back at me.

Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something.